maege | night 18

Entry tags:

nope's peak

night 18

[hahaha yeah so about all that murdering

the deed is done though and Mae kind of—half-staggers at the gymnasium, clutching her side, thinking maybe she ought to do something about that wound there but the nurse's office is so far away? and she could just go to bed? and bleed out there??? it would be nice.

surely, she figures, it's safe to take her time in the halls. what would anyone else be doing around here this time of night am i right???? (spoilers)]

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[he sits back, hand drifting to his card locket]

I... None of this matters anyway. So-- I appreciate that you were honest with me. I don't want-- It's not a deal-breaker, I mean. ...I wasn't going to tell anyone at home about this part.

[she just kind of half buries her face in her hands at the way he says none of this matters and makes some pathetic whimper-laugh noise, thinking that that could at all be the case for her; cool okay that was a good short while of everyone here pretending to be vaguely put-together]

Yeah, well—I mean, I wasn't gonna not tell you, geez, you've put up with me for this long.

[...]

Would be cool if that's how it worked, but— [and she is just drunk enough to follow up with,] What, you're just gonna go back and deal with it on your own?

That seems to be a pretty rare philosophy.

[and maybe he is still salty about the last trial, but hey, it was just a couple days ago, so. plus, he's just drunk enough to give an incredulous look and an honest reply to her other statement as well]

What, you're gonna go back and blab all about how you dreamt you were in this crazy facility where you all voted to kill each other and you think anyone's ever going to trust you to do anything again? I can't tell anyone about this. It's...this is too much.

...

Yeah, okay.

[she drags a hand down her face again, and then start gesturing vaguely at the air with that hand as she goes on, just sort of rapidly babbling]

I dunno, I just, I figure, someone's gonna be like "oh, hey, Mae, it sure has been super quiet these past three weeks, where've you been?" and I'm gonna have to have something ready, and I'm not about to lie to them, either, and I guess—Boey'll probably believe me as long as I don't try to explain what a robot is, but I guess I messed up bad enough that it doesn't really matter, anyway— Ugh, you're right, this is way too much.

[tense, gripping his pendant again]

"I was kidnapped, it was bad," even that much is pushing it. Start going on about killer robots and murder-suicides and people shot out of cannons, they'll ship us off to some sanitarium and throw away the key. I don't know about you, but if I'm willing to kill to protect something I'm sure as hell not going to ruin that over someone's misguided curiosity and a few bad dreams.

Mm. Not that you've actually said a single thing I could actually argue with, but—

[just sort of. gestures. again. instead of finishing that thought, or deciding what she would finish it with]

Sorry, you totally didn't ask to deal with being panicked at at this hour after all of this.

[pauses, then looks away, scrubbing his face again. geez, this is why he doesn't usually drink...but this has been such a long three weeks]

It's...fine. Better to get it over with now. Things need to go well for us tomorrow.

[he pauses again, turns to her, hesitates a third time]

Ah. Are you...?

Mm. [it is vaguely approaching a noise of appreciation instead of just one of acknowledgement, anyway]

...Aaam Iiiii...? If the follow up is "okay," like, I'm functioning and all, but look at us, come on.

All the parts that need to be inside, are...now, anyway. That should count for something.

I just meant... Did you need to talk, about...things.

[he is uncertain if he could possibly look any more awkward about it but]

...You suuuure you're gonna open that door up? 'cause like, a minute ago you didn't even ask and that was just a taste of the freaking out levels I'm capable of.

[she's got a lot of feelings kaiba are you sure you're ready to open up pandora's box]

Oh, I'm sure I don't want to, but that's never stopped anything from happening before. Plus, you wouldn't keep talking about how you're in such trouble when you get back if you didn't want to talk about it, and no one's here but me, so...

[so, not ready, but at least semi-willing?]

[flatly:] How thoughtful of you.

[but also, way to call her out]

It's... I dunno, it's a religious thing, like, it doesn't actually matter if I keep my mouth shut about it because I still did it—Actually that probably makes it worse? I killed an innocent, killed a dragon, not even a maddened one or a Terror, what kind of arrogant jackass goes and tries to square up with a dragon, both of our gods are dragons. Like I get that we've established the theme of the night as bad choices and really that's just been standard fare since I got here but come on.

[look, he tries(?)]

[he frowns, chewing on this]

...So. Basically--for you, you just killed a god?

[because if so that's really badass, look, he is not drunk enough to say the word "badass" but. it is]

[real slowly pinching the bridge of her nose. YES OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING THIS IS BADASS BUT LESS SO WHEN YOU'VE REALIZED YOU ARE DEFINITELY GOING TO HELL]

Yeah, basically, something like that—I mean okay there are dragons that aren't gods but up 'til they turn into shambling dark magic zombies they're sacred.

[sorry that mae's jrpg life is so weird]

[look, of all people here, kaiba is 100 percent okay with this life]

[he chews on this a little more before nodding, serious]

...Sometimes you have to sacrifice a god for your own survival. To feel guilt later is meaningless. A true dragon is powerful enough that death is not the end.

Is—Is that a thing? Is that a thing that sometimes happens, I don't know that it is.

[ssssighing, though, actively fighting the urge to slump down in the chair because it'll probably just hurt]

Y'know, somehow the idea that the dragon I killed is going to be strong enough to come back from the dead and probably be reasonably unhappy with me is noooot making me feel that much better, but in a different way than with the guilt problem.

It is a thing. I've done it. And so have you.

[and he has, which on the one hand it was a god card, but on the other hand it was also an actual god with god powers since yugioh]

...Anyway, you can't just challenge a god if you aren't willing to face the consequences. Defend yourself later with pride, or prostrate yourself with sympathy...either way, there's no point in worrying about something that hasn't happened yet.

[entirely too chipper, but in a way where it's just her default reaction:] Oh, cool, we can start a club!

[...at least she settles down easily enough]

Yeah. ...Yeah, you're right. We've got way more urgent ways to die to worry about, anyway, huh.

[...]

Thanks.

[GODKILLER CLUB LET'S DO IT}

[he shakes his head, though his words aren't scolding, just statements, possibly also reminding himself]

Being fearful for something that will happen anyway is silly, and not even in the way some people find charming. Offer nothing, and face what comes with dignity. That's all we have to do, and all we can do.

Oh, okay, you really are always like this—I mean it! I'm being serious!

[oh well THAT'S new]

I mean, there are probably other things we can do besides be as dramatic as possible about the whole thing, buuut that's as good a start as any.

[at least she's mostly chipper again?]

...Not "dramatic." "Passionate," right?

Haha, of course. How could I forget?

[look at who's all perked up!! she can fret about GOD MURDER later]

Aaaalllll right! Your turn. If mum's the word as soon as your murder hell vacation's done with, better get gut-spillin' while the gettin's good.

[hesitates]

...

[keeps hesitating]

...

[great staredown we've got going on here huh

fortunately(???) for us all Mae's got no filter, sober or otherwise]

Not that I'm in any shape to strong arm anything outta you, anyway, but I'm just saying, I shouldn't get to be the only one who gets to, y'know, talk about things.

There's nothing really to talk about.

[this is not exactly true]

...So many things have happened. I don't know what to say.

[that part IS true]

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